Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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