Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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