I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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