why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
