By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pants are for mortals
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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