shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize