dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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