Small penises have feelings too.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
