Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
