Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
