Will you blow on my dice?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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