I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
