no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
