We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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