it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
