Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
