I got chris browned last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
