I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
