Plan B is the new Plan A
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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