How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
