Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
