Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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