twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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