I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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