Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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