just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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