I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
