And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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