i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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