just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
