Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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