I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
