I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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