he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
