So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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