"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
