I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Mom said you looked used
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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