you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
