Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
