I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
