the day after is always just damage control
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
