you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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