remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
