she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
