Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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