no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
