its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
