I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
