Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
