Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
