I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize