His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
