After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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