Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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