oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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