I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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