My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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