found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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