Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
