i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
