So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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