Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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