My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
