I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
