I wanna bring you to show and tell
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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