They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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