My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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