i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
whose parrot is this?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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