This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
