gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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