Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
