Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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