Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
