She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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