I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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