I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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