his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
