I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
