Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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