I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
