Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
